So since I last wrote, a few things has happened. First, I went off the Atkins diet. I basically wasn't eating anything, so I was miserable. I decided to become a pescetarian which is basically a vegetarian that eats seafood. I am also still eating eggs, cheese, milk all that stuff...which is considered animal based, but I've given up meats (beside seafood). Believe me, this isn't actually by choice. I just found that I have a really hard time digesting meats, with the exception of shrimp, so I have decided to just stop eating it. So far, it's not so bad. I once and awhile want a hamburger, but I haven't had one in over six months anyway, and it doesn't seem like that big of a deal, especially when I think of how much pain I will be in after I consume the stupid burger. All in all, I like my decision so far and I'm losing weight faster this way than I did while I was on the Atkins diet. Since my pescetarian diet started, I have lost 15lbs...and it hasn't even been a month yet. I'm down a total of 115lbs from what I was pre-surgery. It's super exciting to be in smaller clothes and look at old pictures and then pictures of me now. The only problem is buying new clothes every month or so. In two weeks, I've dropped another pant size...so I invested in a belt....my second one since my surgery. I also discovered the problems with bras. I started out as a DD and I am probably a large B or small C now. It's a little depressing, but all in all, it's worth it in the long run I guess.

I've also started running. I have been doing so for about three weeks now. I really enjoy it. I never thought I would. My only problem is getting out of bed at 5AM, but once I am up and out of the house, I am really glad I did it. It's just the motivation. But, the only time I slacked up was the day it was raining, and I plan on making that up this weekend (the days I usually break from running).

Since I started running, I discovered I have been having problems breathing afterward. At first, I thought it was just because I was out of shape, but it wasn't getting any better...in fact, it seemed to be getting worse the more I ran...and running is the only thing that does it to me. I went to the doctor yesterday to get checked out and after several x-rays, an EKG, and a 15 minute run on a treadmill, the came to the conclusion that I have EIA (exercise induced asthma). So now, I am on an inhaler and a pill called singulair. But, on the bright side, I don't have to give up running because I have a difficult time breathing.

Bo has been gone for a little over a month now. He is still in recovery from his hernia surgery and will be at the recovery center for AT LEAST another two weeks. While they were operating, the surgeon discovered a second hernia, but apparently, they don't know what they are going to do about it yet. Either way, since he has been there, I have been able to talk to him every day for a few hours, which is nice. I guess once he goes back to his regular post, I will have to give in and get use to only talking to him once and awhile. Blah. I miss him so much, but he is doing well...still in a little pain from the surgery, but is healing.

Amélie had her first rehearsal for her recital last night. She loved it. She loves getting dressed up and wearing make-up, so I wasn't surprised. She did really well and I am so proud of her! I am really disappointed in the studio she goes to currently though, and we will be looking for a new one for the next dance year. The teachers are just not very good and do not look professional at all....and the senior dancers are absolutely awful. I watch them and I think, "I am not paying this much money for my child to learn to dance that crappy." Even the teachers seem to not have a rhythmic bone in their bodies and can't keep a beat. When I was in dance, if we danced the way those girls did, we would have had to start over and do it until it was perfect, which I believe, is how it should be. If you are paying an arm and a leg for dance lessons, it better be worth it! I want it to be that if Amélie, for some reason, wants to be a professional dancer, she can be because she was taught the proper and professional way to dance. Anyway, her recital is Saturday night.

Amélie also started her first week (and second year) of swim lessons on Monday. She is in the polliwog class which is the intermediate beginner class. I am super impressed on how well she is doing, especially since the class is held in the 4ft end of the pool and she isn't 4ft yet. She is actually the smallest in her class (my poor short girl), but she is doing great!

Two weeks ago, Amélie, Natalie (my roommate) and myself, went down to Panama City to visit the family and have a little vacation. It was nice getting away for awhile and we had a lot of fun even though we ended up coming back sunburned (Natalie and I, not Amélie). And though I loved seeing my family and taking a break from the busy life I have here in Kentucky, I was oh-so-glad to be home.

Anyway, that's all the updates I have for now. Maybe some more in another month or so.

Love,
Jessi

So as a lot of you know, I ended up removing someone from my life because they were just a mean person. I told them that. I told them to stop contact with me because they were mean and said hurtful things to me. This person went off and started calling me names and saying that I was lazy and fat and my daughter was a whiny brat and that I will never be number one in my husband's life.

I wonder why someone would have to say such things. To prove me right? That they are exactly what I said, mean? I just deleted it and ignored it because I thought I should be the bigger person in the situation. I let it go even though I wanted to write back a million things on what I thought of her...but I didn't.

Even though this person means nothing to me anymore, what she said still hurt me deep down. I am sure she did it on purpose because she knew how to push my buttons, and I suppose with people like that, the only way that they are going to be happy is by putting others down.

I'm going through a lot lately, and from the advice of friends and my husband, I was told to let this person go because of the way she treated me. I would come home in tears a lot from the things she would say and I continued to let her do it because I valued her friendship. She says I "changed". Yes, I completely agree with that. I stopped 90% of my contact with her because I didn't like the way she made me feel and she hurt my daughter's feelings too. She put down my husband as well. I thought by easing her out of my life would be easy, but she caught on and went a little crazy when I stopped beating around the bush and told her the truth.

But, it still hurts because I did once value this person's friendship...and after the nasty, NASTY things she said, I don't think I will be EVER able to forgive her. I am one of those people who live by the saying, "sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can slowly kill me." It's true. Emotional pain is much harder for me to deal with than physical pain which is why I use to be a cutter. When I was hurt emotionally, I would cut myself to release physical pain because it made the emotional hurt subside. I know a lot of you probably think I am nuts, but that is just me. She knows that, and I am sure that is why she used such hurtful words.

But, it's times like these I try to put my chin up and look around and see that the people I have in my life now and know that they love me. There are two sayings I like to think about in a time like this, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind" and "The only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs". I have my family, who will love me no matter what (and I have a BIG family) and friends that love me for me. I have a husband and daughter who love me more than words can express and I thank God for what I do have and thank Him for helping me better myself by taking those I don't need out of my life.






In other news, I haven't heard from Bo in three days now. I know it's probably because he is busy, but it's my nature to worry. I miss him so much and love him even more. Is it bad to check my email every five minutes, sleep with my phone next to my head, and check Skype every time I walk by the computer?? Sounds pathetic, I know. LoL

Monday is Amélie's last day for cheer leading and Tuesday is Amélie's last soccer game of the season (providing it doesn't rain). I really hope it doesn't. It's time for this season to be over with!! LoL But she does enjoy it and that is all that really matters.

My roommate is the best. Today I got my first Mother's Day card ever (yes I have a four year old) from her. She is so sweet. I love my Natalie. She is keeping me alive through this deployment and holding my head up high. Thank you, hun. I love you!

Next weekend I am going camping with my MOPS ladies. Should be fun. I haven't been camping in a long time. I'm excited. I have to go shopping with my girl, Trina, on Thursday to get the last bit of stuff we will need for it though!

On the 28th, Natalie, Amélie and I will be heading down to Panama City to visit my family and friends. I am so homesick!! Sometimes I wonder if I should have just moved back home while Bo was gone, but I thought that would be the easy way out, so I stayed. I miss everyone and I can't wait to see them. Plus, I need some well deserved time away from here. I can't wait to lay on the beach and soak up the sun and just RELAX!

Anyhow, that is enough rant and rambling for me. All and all from this experience, I've learned you have to live with the cards God has dealt you. Everything happens for a reason and never look back...never regret.

Love,
Jessi

PS - HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL THE MOMMIES AND MOMMIES TO BE!!!

It's been approximately a month since I wrote. Blah blah. Things around here are just that too, blah. Bo leaves in about three weeks. My heart races every time I think about it.

My roomie moved in. Her name is Natalie. Her husband is here as well, but he leaves the same day that Bo does. Then it will be just a house full of girls...well, Natalie, Amélie, and myself.

We sold the ferrets. Life just wasn't fair to them not getting out to run around as much as they should. It's my fault really. I didn't like cleaning up after them when they got out. They went to a good home though, I believe.

We also sold the Corolla. It went for more than I thought it would. Bo brought his Jeep back from Florida the last time we visited and we decided that we really didn't need three vehicles, especially since he is leaving soon. Two is plenty for me to have to drive, on top of going to be driving Chris's (Nat's hubby) car once a week or so.

Like I mentioned in my last paragraph, we went to Florida. We stayed for about a week. Mainly so Bo could say his goodbyes to the family before he left for a year. Sometimes, I really miss Florida....the weather, the beaches, the smell...but not the snow birds and spring breakers. Blah!!

So my cat has been missing for over 24 hours now. I am really sad about it. Of course, he goes missing before I can get his new name tag and rabies tag put on his new collar. He lost his old one, so I just got the new tags yesterday...after he had been gone for quite some time. I was so sure he would come back though. He NEVER leaves the yard. This morning, it was raining, and he always wants in when it is raining....I checked outside and called, but no kitty. I miss Soho!!!

The weight is still coming off. Last time I weighed, about a week ago, I was down 83lbs. I am probably down more, but Aunt Flo is visiting and I don't want to weigh while I am fluctuating so much. It will just make me mad I think. When it's over, I will step on the scale of death. I am guess I am probably around losing a total of 90lbs now. Less than 100lbs to my goal weight.

Bo finds out Monday when he has his surgery. We found out recently that he has a hernia. Fun stuff. Apparently though, they are taking care of it before deployment though, which does make me feel a little bit better about it. Doesn't hinder him leaving any later though...poo.

Found out I have two cysts on my fingers. One on my index finger and one on my pinky. Both on my right hand. My physician referred me to a surgeon to have them removed. Oh joy joy.

Amélie is doing well. She has started back at soccer and started doing cheer leading this spring. She loves them both. She is still doing ballet and her recital is in June. She will also begin swim lessons for the second year this summer as well.

I can tell her attitude is changing. She knows Daddy is leaving for a long time very soon. We have been talking for awhile now about him deploying. She is a mommy's girl, but she loves her daddy more than anything and will tell anyone that daddy is her best friend. Daddy is the rule enforcer, so it's going to be tough on me playing the role of mommy and daddy. I know women do it all the time, but I've really never HAD to for a long period of time. I have a feeling it's going to be a L-O-N-G year.

Anyhow, I'm off to clean some sheets from a nighttime nose bleed....

Love,
Jessi